Hollywood’s Hottest MILFs (Part 2)
Last Updated on Wednesday, 4 August 2010 12:00 Written by Woody Wednesday, 4 August 2010 12:00
We had some knockouts in Part 1 of our list of MILFs between 30-40, but from the looks of this list, it seems like the gold goes to women in their 40s. Snagging a MILF in her 40s is like hitting the jackpot.
Check out our list of Hollywood’s Hottest MILFs between 40-50:
Elizabeth Hurley a.k.a Vanessa Kensington a.k.a The World’s Hottest Fembot a.k.a The British Chick I Want To Creampie, is without a doubt one of the sexiest vixens in Hollywood.
Even though she dated that douchebag excuse of a human, Hugh Grant, and hasn’t done anything remotely decent since 1999, she still remains one of the most fapable on our list.
Kids: 1 (and 3 stepkids)
Best described by King of Queens co-star, Kevin James, as having “the mouth of a construction worker in the body of a model”, Leah is our idea of a perfect chick.
I don’t know what’s in Vanessa Williams’ genes, but this woman always gets hotter the older she gets. With 4 kids, she’s full-blown MILF status!
Anytime there’s ever a list remotely related to Hollywood hotties, we’re always tempted to gag & waterboard those writers for not including Téa Leoni.
She may not remain in the public eye 24/7 like some attention-seeking papparazzi prostitutes, but anytime we see her, our mandom suddenly erects to salute the beauty that is Téa Leoni.
Considering that she’s been married to Mötley Crüe’s Tommy Lee, and Bon Jovi’s Richie Sambora, Heather Locklear is probably one of the hottest groupies of all time.
Although it doesn’t make any sense how a woman this hot could ever sleep with David Fuckin’ Spade, she will forever remain on every guy’s (and some chicks’) Top 10 list.
While we’re on the subject of extraordinarily hot blonde bombshells who’ve fucked Tommy Lee, there’s no way we can’t mention Pamela Anderson.
Men, women, trannys, robots… we don’t know a single being who hasn’t masturbated to Pamela Anderson. Fuck dogs… breasts are man’s best friend!
While so many wannabe stars are trying to gain popularity by releasing sex tapes, she rose to popularity… for being popular. In 2000, Cindy Margolis made her way into the Guinness Book of World Records for being the most downloaded person in the world. Her modeling pics were über-popular and used in a flood of desktop wallpapers and anything else that can be viewed large enough to choke the chicken to.
They say “a picture is worth a thousand words”. Well, thanks to the picture I have of Vanessa Marcil in my bathroom, her picture is halfway to being worth a thousand self-pleasuring orgasms.
For some fucked-up reason, Vanessa use to be married to the horse turd that is Corey Feldman. What the fuck is with all these drop-dead bombshells hooking up with pathetic goofballs that wouldn’t be able to successfully snag a troll like Snooki?
Whatever. Mentally/visually-challenged or not, I’ll continue to spank my monkey to Vanessa Marcil until she’s 90 with a hunchback and has a thicker beard than Zach Galifianakis.
As if there weren’t enough blondes on this list already, we can’t forget Faith Hill.
I admit, I’d rather try my luck at wrestling with a grizzly bear than listen to Country music, I’d more than happily jump face first between the legs of Faith Hill.
Even with all the hot broads on this list, I wouldn’t think even blink before stepping on all of them for a shot at Halle Berry.
By far, one of the hottest woman on the planet, heads exploded when pictures showed up on the internet of lactating Halle breasts.
I would work as her butler for a year for free, just to be able to motorboat those breasts for 10 minutes. *burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*
Her pussy looks like it’s pure crack cocaine… and I’m jonzing for some Halle!
Hollywood’s Hottest MILFs (Part 1)
Last Updated on Tuesday, 27 July 2010 01:29 Written by Woody Tuesday, 27 July 2010 01:29
Everyone loves MILFs. It’s a proven scientific fact – I checked.
So, with so many Hollywood actresses becoming mothers, we decided to compile a list of some of Hollywood’s hottest MILFs.
It’s a little difficult making a list without someone crying that we didn’t include this chick, or that chick, but we think we put together a pretty concise list.
This is part 1 of our 3-series post, dedicated to MILFs between the ages of 30-40. We were going to do a list of 20-30 year olds, but that would be disrespectful to the whole concept behind MILF fantasies.
Here’s our pick of 10 of Hollywood’s hottest MILFs between 30-40:
Ever since we saw her in Cruel Intentions (we didn’t really notice her in any of her work before that), it was our life mission to meet Reese Witherspoon – and proceed to fuck the living hell out of her!
The good girl next door image has always worked for her, and still does. Now that she’s a mother of 2, we can’t help but fantasize of scenes of helping the nice hot MILF next door with her groceries, only to be tipped with a hot blowjob!
We’ve never had even the slightest dirty thought about The Brady Bunch until Christine Taylor played Marcia Brady in The Brady Bunch movie & A Very Brady sequel. After that, all we could think about was throat-fucking Carol Brady (Shelly Long) and giving an explosive creampie to Marcia.
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia… Lick it, Suck it, Ride it.
This one is probably the closes to become a porn reality, seeing that Jaime Pressly was actually in a porn! Yep! In the early days of her career, Jaime did a softcore porn called Poison Ivy:
If that isn’t enough, Jaime also know how to clean your balls:
Probably one of the most MILFable of all time (yes… I said MILFable). Denise Richards never seems to stop getting sexier.
This smoking hot MILF made a permanent mark in minds (and pants) everywhere when she made out with Neve Campbell in Wild Things:
One of the biggest supermodels in the world, Heidi Klum is full blown MILF status with 4 kids.
4 fuckin kids!!! And she still has that body?
Normally, we could give a fuck about Posh Spice, except being married to one of the biggest athletes in the world keeps her in the public eye, and we can’t help but imagine bending her over like Beckham and pumping some meat into the anorexic broad.
This Underworld vampire could suck on us anytime she damn well pleases.
Even she usually has shit roles, we’d consider sitting through the painfully awful Whiteout for just one shot at this MILF.
DREA DE MATTEO
With the way she looks, Drea de Matteo can’t play the “girl next door” role. She’s only believable playing slutty roles… and we love it!
Since the Sopranos, we’ve been craving to see more of her. We’re convinced she’s the only reason Friends spinoff, Joey, last 2 full seasons. If it weren’t for her playing Joey’s slutty sister, nobody would’ve watched past the first 5 minutes of the first episode.
Ignoring the fact that she’s married, the fact that Drea has openly admitted to being bisexual only intensified our craving for Drea.
We don’t know a single human being on this planet that did not get turned on by Milla Jovovich in The Fifth Element. If you say you didn’t, you’re either a filthy liar, or 96 year old woman with a dusty vagina living with goats in a remote village.
And if that is you, well then – fuck you!
Kids: 1 (on the way)
Kelly Bundy has always been one hot piece of ass! Even when she showed up as Jennifer Aniston’s sister on Friends, we couldn’t help but fantasize of wild threesomes with the two TV sisters. Come to think of it, Reese Witherspoon also played one of Rachel Green’s sisters.
This fantasy of a foursome with the 3 Green sisters is too much to handle! We’ll be back in 10 minutes… maybe 20.
In the meantime, let us know what you think of our list in the comments below – and try your best to predict who you think will make our list of 40-50 year old MILFs.
5 TV Hotties We Want To See In Porn
Last Updated on Tuesday, 13 July 2010 11:00 Written by Woody Tuesday, 13 July 2010 11:00
One of the side-effects of working for a porn site is that we literally see porn everywhere – even when just sitting on the couch watching TV.
So we did what any porn enthusiast would do – we made a list of pornos we want to see our 5 favorite TV babes make.
1 – MILA KUNIS
Mila, Mila, Mila.
Ever since we first saw Mila Kunis play Jackie Burkhart on That ’70s Show, we haven’t been able to get her out of our minds!
Mila’s been busy turning us on in movies like Forgetting Sarah Marshall and even the shitty, Max Payne. Hell, even just hearing her voice as the socially-rejected Meg Griffin in Family Guy, all we can think about is how badly we want to see this vixen in a porn.
Even though it creeps us out that she’s been dating Macaulay Culkin for the past 8 years, we’d still pay a hefty price to be home alone with Mila Kunis.
Suggested Porno Title: That ’70s Whore
2 – APRIL BOWLBY
You might not recognize the name April Bowlby, but most of us (yes – you too) have pleasured ourselves to this sexpot multiple times.
April is mainly known for her role as the dim-witted, yet so incredibly nut-worthy Kandi, from CBS’ Two And A Half Men.
If Alan Harper can get a hot piece of ass like Kandi, maybe there’s hope for other nerds… probably not, though.
Suggested Porno Title: Two And A Half Men
*What?… it works. 2 guys & a midget gangbanging Kandi… fuck yeah!
3 – KALEY CUOCO
If it weren’t for this blonde bombshell, we probably would never have discovered CBS’ nerdastic sitcom, The Big Bang Theory.
In her earlier role as Bridget Hennessy on 8 Simple Rules, we kept checking her IMDB page to check when it would be okay to comment on her bang-ability without Chris Hansen suddenly appearing in our living room.
Now that she’s relevant again in her mid-20s, we can comfortably say – GIGGITY!
Suggested Porno Title: 8 Big Bangs With My Teenage Daughter
4 – EMMANUELLE CHRIQUI
By far, one of Canada’s best exports (please, take Celine Dion back), Emmanuelle Chriqui can be seen in her reoccuring role as Sloan McQuewick in porn-actress friendly, Entourage.
We need Emmanuelle to channel her slutty character from 100 Girls in her current gig:
Sidenote: 100 Girls also had a big-breasted Katherine Heigl playing a hot teen lesbian #FTW!
Now that you have those visuals in your mind… close your eyes and imagine Emmanuelle Chriqui & Katherine Heigl in a porn together. Now… imagine yourself in between them.
Oh fuck… I just came.
Suggested Porno Title: 100 Horny Girls
5- CHRISTINE HENDRICKS
Holy big melons Batman!
Definitely the curviest on our list, Christina Hendricks makes us hot & heavy during every episode of AMC’s Mad Men.
Her character, Joan Holloway, is the human form of Jessica Rabbit. Full lips, big breasts, small waist and big hips.. and let’s not forget that sultry voice of hers.
It’s not possible to watch her on Mad Men without touching yourself.
This buxom beauty would put porn’s top actresses to shame if she ever decided to grant our wish of filming a porn.
Suggested Porno Title: Ten Men… Gangbanging Joan
Do you agree with our picks? Who would you choose for your list?